I am not really sure what has happened in the last couple of weeks but I kind of fell off the face of the earth. I mean I went about the usual and actually a lot happened, but mentally/emotionally I kinda checked out.
The big move is complete, well apart from handing my keys in tomorrow for the old house. The kids are adjusting well and apart from the dog barking like a raving loonie and driving the poor neighbors bonkers, we seem to be coping okay. There is still plenty of unpacking to do – it’s so weird to find where to put things when they have had their place set in the old house for so long.
I had a bit of a weird moment with my blog and I think it kinda scared me off a little. Turns out someone must be reading because someone found this little old blog. I wouldn’t have even known if it hadn’t been for their friendly add on Instagram… Either way, all of a sudden I was worried that this was no longer a safe place to share, which is why the previous posts all disappeared and then reappeared. I panicked. I have been more honest here than pretty much anywhere else and even though I don’t think I have written anything I wouldn’t say out loud, I was shaken to know that someone had read all the emotional shit here. Because it was someone in the ex-husbands family.
I didn’t have the best relationships with some of his family, and there were quite a few I never had any sort of relationship with at all. When you are blackballed by the soon-to-be mother-in-law, the possibility of relationships with the extended family diminishes pretty quickly. But I was lucky enough to eventually build a pretty special friendship with a couple of them, so when my marriage ended and they fell out of my life too, it just kinda added to the devastation. I know that those ‘in-law’ relationships change when marriages end, but these people were FAMILY to me. I loved them just as much as my own family, even though there were times I am sure we all drove each other bat-shit crazy. Truth is, when they accepted the ex-husbands new girlfriend with open arms, I was hurt and I didn’t know what to say, or how to say that. So I said nothing.
And now, I honestly feel that perhaps the stuff I write here should maybe be a little more guarded, which I didn’t want to do. I am lost for what my next move should be… Just forward for now I guess.
NOTE – if you are out there and reading this and you know who I am, do so at your own risk I guess.