I am having one of those weeks. But instead of getting all caught up in it I am trying so very hard to keep this all in check.

My anxiety is at an all time high. That old familiar feeling of egg beaters whirring away inside my stomach, that constant lump in my throat, that prickly threat of tears just waiting to fall… and worse than that, the constant deafening thud of my heart beating inside my ears and temperature fluctuations that make me wonder if early onset menopause is not so far away…

I am trying to be positive and stay motivated, trying to use all that nervous energy to do something useful and worthwhile. Even in the midst of an anxiety episode I can see the lack of value in the emotions and energy exuded but I cant stop, cant make it go away. Well I could, perhaps with pharmaceutical assistance but even that option seems to fill me with guilt.

Every day I try to be good and do good and that is what I am sticking with. I feel like absolute shit at the moment, but that is the anxiety. And the anxiety will pass, or subside, or dissipate in time. I know that. And knowing that is what keeps me moving forward.


Synn xx


6 thoughts on “Ergh…

  1. I’m with you, sister! Medicated for depression and anxiety for over a decade, and it’s made one hell of a difference in my life. I remember life before Zoloft, and it was complete shit. Sometimes I can’t believe I gave so much of my life away to the genetic chemical imbalance in my brain. It still makes me feel defeated when I think of it. My daughter struggles with anxiety now (at 11), and it’s difficult to watch her go through this. It’s a lifelong fight. Do what you need to do for you, what feels comfortable and best to manage your anxiety. I take medicine, but that’s what works for me. Everyone isn’t comfortable with that being their answer.
    I’ve found that the more I recognize my anxiety as just part of me, and get comfortable with how it makes my body feel, the easier it is to allow it to pass. Somehow giving it a place of recognition in my life, but not allowing it to take over, really helps me.
    Thinking of you (and cheering you on)! Xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Doing little things to treat myself helps when I feel shitty. Like eat a bunch of ice cream straight out of the tub, hide in my room and play my favorite video game alone for 5 hours in a row, or go see a movie I really want to see AND buy the expensive popcorn. Hanging out with friends who know how much it sucks helps too. I hope you feel better soon ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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