How do people do this? Navigating the way through the world as a ‘newly single’ after living in the world as a ‘happily taken’? I wasn’t always happy, but I was always happy to be with him. Well even that’s not entirely true, sometimes he drove me bat-shit crazy. I don’t know, I guess I was happy to know that I had him as my significant other. I never imagined my life with anyone else, never considered that I would ever share my life with anyone else.
Being single now, the thing I miss most is knowing that I had that special someone… someone who gave a shit how my day was, or looked forward to seeing me like I looked forward to seeing them. I really struggle with the concept of ‘home’ because for the longest time, when I thought of home I thought of him. And when he moved on (possibly before I even knew it was an option) I lost ‘home’. I am really angry with myself for that, like really angry! How could I have possibly let myself get so lost in someone, so dependent on someone, on anyone, that I couldn’t think of a single safe place anymore?
So much of my identity was wrapped up in him, my relationship with him, my love for him, etc. When you have been with someone for so long, you can kinda forget who you are as a person. You become so invested in the US that you forget YOU and then when it all falls away, it can be scary to figure out who that person is again.
It’s been nearly a year that I have been on my own, but after spending pretty much half my life with the same person, its a scary new world out there. I know there have been plenty of moments of personal growth and I have made some epic mistakes along the way but I’m moving forward and for right now, that’s enough for me. That’s okay, as long as I don’t get stuck and stop moving forward Ill be okay. Being left behind when the person you love moves on is horrible. And Ill admit, there were times that I didn’t think I would make it through – but I did. Well I am- present tense – making it through, because I know this journey is not finished.
Surely I cant be the only one that has been in this situation? If you are out there reading this, feel free to leave a comment and let me know what you’re thinking.